2p Russia One-Shots
by InfiniteTea
Summary: As much as I love Russia I somewhat dislike his 2p. So, I have decided to make a 2p Russia in my own vision. Take a look into the life of 2p Russia and have a wonderful ride through "Gardening", China, Family, and maybe some random scenarios. Let's take a look at this little ball of emotion and bring some life into him, because we need it!
1. Hi, I'm Russia

After fiddling with my camera's placement I sit back on my computer's chair. I look at my reflection on the screen. My slightly long hair is a nice improvement on my appearance. It matches my green eyes well. I feel so proud about myself, especially that white streak I put on my bangs. It makes me look cool. Even though my hair looks good the way it is I still grab my comb. I slowly comb my shoulder length hair and hum a song Ukraine use to sing. After, I make sure I look good on the screen, I call America by video chat.

It takes a few seconds for him on the other side to answer. More like ten whole minutes but that doesn't ruin my mood. The moment he answered he yelled.

"Russia! It is two in the fuck'n morning, what do you want?"

"You told me to call you at nine in the morning. So I did that."

"Nine? It's like"-He looks to the right-" two in the morning," he looks back at me with a frown. I don't like that frown. He rubs his eyes before giving me attention.

"America, are you ok?"

"Ya, I'm fine. I'm just exhausted and a little sick from my new diet."

"Another diet? America you're going to hurt yourself, I want you stop."

"Man, you know I'll ignore that. Can I go back to sleep before Canada wakes up?"

"Wait, I thought he was at that new strip club near by."

"Nah, he's here," he sighed, rubbing his eyes again. He's still frowning.

"Ok, so…" I start to say.

"Good night Russia, see you at the world meeting next week!" He yells. On the screen his door opens to reveal an angry Canada with his hockey stick. I get to watch and enjoy America play with his brother. I'm silently voting for Canada to win. When done, Canada waves his hand then stops the video chat. I'm glad that America isn't frowning anymore.

I sit at the screen for another minute before going into my kitchen. I have a quick snack and make myself some tea. Sitting at my large table I enjoy myself. Even if it's lonely sitting here, I like to keep old memories alive. Like that little stool next to me. That was Latvia's special stool. I always had him sit next to me. He was adorable.

Oh! And that chair across the table was Ukraine's. After the USSR dissolved and everyone left, she found a way to reduce her breast size. I think it had something to do with Romania. I sigh as I remember the boing boing sound of her bust. It brings a tear to my eyes thinking about them. I still don't understand why she wanted them smaller. Well, I can't continue to cry over that whore.

What other memory should I think about? I could always do my sister. Da, my lovely sister it is! My sister, Belarus, is a wonderful person, even though she can scare almost anyone. I kind of like her fascination with fear. Actually her fascination with emotions is cool! One time at a world meeting, France pissed me off. His eternal sad-look finally got to me. Before I could grab him, she jumped right in front of me. She gave France a small talk and in no time he started to smile! If only I could of made him smile like that.

I look at my watch and it says ten in the morning. I feel like going to china's house to say hi to Hong Kong. I bet he feels lonely. That sounds like a good idea! I get out of my seat and excitedly get my long navy coat. I look at myself in one of the many mirrors I have scattered around my house before running out my door. I feel so happy.


	2. A Walk With My Shovel

Today France gave me another chance to go to his country! It's been four years since the last time I've set foot in Paris. He sent my tickets today. But, I'll have to wait for them to come in. This is exciting! I wonder if I can make his infuriating frown turn upside down when I go.

Well until then, I'm stuck at home. I wonder what I can do. I know I can't go to China's because I went there two days ago, I can't go to Japan's either. My sisters are busy, America is playing with his pet cock, and Italy doesn't want to see me for another three weeks. I sigh with my cup of tea in hand, watching the fireplace crackle. Next to the fireplace I have a shovel. It was a gift from Ukraine, just like that scarf I keep locked away. Should I use it today?

Da! I should use it today. I can go gardening at the park! I love to garden. I'm such a natural and it always makes the children happy. So, I finish my tea and get my dark gray jacket. I make sure I'm snug as a bug and then get my shovel. I bolt out my door and head straight to my destination.

Today is a slightly clear day, the sun is happily shining on me as I walk into the park. I find a bench and sit. Scanning the park I see that today there are a lot of photographers. I also see a few kids playing near a tree. But that's not what I'm looking for.

I finally spot a patch of yellow tulips. I wait a bit because a photographer is taking a picture of them. I don't like the smile on his face as he leaves the flowers. Taking my shovel in hand, I walk to the yellow monsters. I stare at them for a while, wondering why people like these things. They do absolutely nothing, yet people _love_ them. With my shovel at the ready, I sinky the head deep into the soil and turn the flowers over. With a smile on my face, I pat the dirt. I look around me and a few adults look at me strangely. It doesn't matter, they'll be happier soon.

Patch by patch, I turn over many flower beds. My biggest target was the yellow tulips and other yellow flowers. I _hate_ the color yellow. I even turn over the daffodils and other colored flowers.

Well! I'm at my last patch of yellow flowers. With all of them turned over I feel better. I look around the park and I see that the people left the park. I wonder why. I should go home, as nice as today was it looks like it's about to rain. So I walk back home with a skip in my step.


	3. Beat, Beat Goes My Heart

I wonder how my heart is doing. It's been decades since the last time it was in my chest. I put my finished teacup down. I look at my watch before heading downstairs. 

The smell of earth, dust, and old clothing hits me the moment I opened the door. I flick the light switch revealing tons of hanging shirts, robes, and other clothes I've picked up over the years. I slowly walk down my stairs, I make sure I jump over the missing step. As I walk through my maze of clothes I get hit with nostalgia. 

Most of the clothes I have come from different cultures. I have komotos, I have ritual outfits, I even have women's clothes down here. Now, sometimes I get lost in my maze. Normally it's around the skirt section because there's a loop, other than that I know it like my hair color. Which is a dark-ish platinum blond. 

I have just made it halfway through the maze when I find a shoe. I don't know where the other one is but I need to backtrack to get it where it belongs. So I go back through the American and Canadian sections to the shoe part. It takes only five minutes to get the couple back together. I sigh, sometimes my shoes or a coat will find it's way around. I can tell you that a ghost patrol's my basement, all five floors. 

She's very friendly but she loves to play with my accessories. I'm not bothered by her doing that, but when she doesn't put it back I expect an apology. I go back into my maze and search for her, she's normally in the glasses section. When I see her long hair I run over. 

"Oksana! You left half a shoe in the middle of this maze." 

"Nikolai? Oh! I'm sorry for not picking up after myself," Oksana apologizes. 

"It's ok as long as you apologize," I smile. She use to be the original owner of this mansion. Her father was a rich man and they owned it. Her story is that her boyfriend murdered her with a knife in the last floor basement. In the same room where my heart lies. As sad as it is she seems very happy here. I consider her a friend, which is why she knows my human name. 

I hug her and say my goodbyes as I walk through my jungle of clothes. after forty minutes I get to my special door, the one with my heart in it. With my favorite silver key I open it. 

The beating of my heart is interesting to me. I don't understand how it can still beat outside my body but I thank it for one of my hobbies. I slowly walk to it and I just get hypnotized. It's like a little song. I slightly sway in sync with it's light shakes. 

I remember how much of a nuisance my heart was. After Mongol was defeated in 1380, I was so happy with joy that my heart jumped out of my chest. At first it was just strange but by the 1500's it became annoying. When I got excited it jumped out of my chest, when I got angry it stopped beating. I look at the orange heat light above my heart as I remember the pain. 

When I got angry, I would have a heart attack. During the 1500's it got pretty bad. It was torture. So I attempted to keep my heart in a cold black box. It didn't work well, for some reason it still beat outside my body and still reacted with my emotions. Actually it's reactions were ten fold and I would basically die every time I got angry. My heart also seemed to dislike the cold, it would beat slower and slower until it stopped. Which gave me a heart attack. Belarus would always keep close to me in those times. Ukraine quickly became apathetic. 

This problem only lasted a few centuries before I figured out what was the matter. My heart was cold. Sometimes it was so cold when I put it back in my chest, I got sick for a few days. So when I figured it out, I took my scarf and wrapped it around my heart. After that the heart attacks slowly stopped. Later, after I got this mansion and the invention of the heat lamp. My heart started to beat normally. 

I smile at my heart, it looks like a baby. I put one hand on my scarf and tuck my heart in. Keeping my heart this way has prevented my heart attacks. I haven't had one in twenty years and I'm happy about that. I smile and leave the small room, lock it, and go through the maze.

When I get in my room it's midnight. so I take off my clothes and jump into bed. I hum a song Ukraine use to sing and I fall asleep. I dream of my little sister terrorizing Latvia and Estonia.


	4. The Day Britain Called

This is one of those random memories that I somewhat like. So, back then when I was just minding my own business, I got a call from Britain. I don't know why but he called me. Flipping my new flip phone I answer him.

"Hello? This is Russia speaking."

"Russia, oh good god you answered! My baby boy's gone missing, have you seen him?" Britain wept.

"Baby boy?"

"Yes! Sealand, my sweet Sealand, have you seen or heard from him?"

"No, I haven't-" Britain's sobs interrupted me. I can't really do anything on the phone nor can I help him with his crying. So I hang up the phone and rest it on my table. I go back to my black tea and enjoy myself. Watching my fireplace go crackle, then my phone goes off again. I answer and it's Britain, hopefully he isn't sad anymore.

"Did you make an effort to find Sealand yet? America's not helping," He says with withheld sobs. This is going to be a long day, I can feel it.

"Have you called my neighbors yet? I can't help you and I doubt Sealand would come here. Check with Denmark, your kid likes fun guys right?"

"Oh My God! That is the most worrying thought in the world! *hic* If I don't get answers I'll call back ok. Ok, bye." and he hangs up. I sigh, I have never seen Sealand in my life but if it worries him then I should stay out of it. There's nothing in it for me.

I go back to my tea and I don't even bother to close my phone. I treat this situation like storm, wait and stay safe. I sigh as my phone rings again. I answer and it's the same thing.

After three hours I have become sick of my phone. I haven't even finished my tea. I'm angry and frustrated. I need him to stop so I can sleep tonight. I pick up my phone for the last time.

"Russia! Russia, Russia, have you found my boy?"

"Britain, shut the fuck up! Just shut up, I have no idea where he is. Can I just finish my tea! Can I be left alone? Stop calling me!" I wailed, as my tantrum begins. I continue to yell into the phone. "Call someone other than me. Talk to Finland, he likes kids! Just leave me be." And then I threw my phone into my fireplace. I take my teacup and throw it in there too. Then I flip my table and chair before smashing my new table to metal bits. I run up stairs, hop into bed and scream into my pillow. I then proceed to rip it in half. Then I go to sleep and have nightmares about evil phones and a sunflower that sounds like Britain.

I don't know why I like this memory at all.


	5. My Sister's Way of Visiting

"Hello! Welcome to my home, Russia. You may come in," Britain smiled as he steps back to let me in. This time the world meeting is in Britain's place and I took the initiative to ask if I can come over. He said yes and here I am now. I stare with slight disgust at the bright blue, green, and pink interior. As nice as it is it's just so distracting. But this is a nice visit and I should be respectful. I take a step inside.

After He closed the door, he leads me to his living room and sits me down on a lush, red sofa. He says something about calling someone before leaving the room. I look out the window and see the sky start to drizzle. I continue to smile as I look at some of Britain's paintings. Oh! I see an old painting of him and America. I also see a modern photo of him and his brother Scotland. I slowly get over my disgust and become more settled as Britain comes into the room.

"Russia, it's sad to say that France and America aren't coming over," He says before continuing. "Good news is that Sealand and my brothers are coming soon. Would you like some tea?"

"Da, I would love some tea. Please make it green tea."

"Sure," Britain accepts as he goes into the kitchen. For some reason he sighs once he enters. I've heard it many times from Latvia when he lived with my. It means that he is disappointed or stressed. I look around the room a bit more when I spot a vase full of roses. I ignore them because i'm a guest.

There is a sudden crash coming from the kitchen. I whip my head towards the sound.

"What the fuck!" Britain yells. Another crash sound, a little different from the last one. I rush over to where he is and see a wonderful sight. My sister is here. My sudden worry turns into excitement. I run to my sister and hug her, completely ignoring Britain's shocked expresion.

I give her a quick kiss on the lips and let her go.

"I never expected to see you here Belarus! How are you?"

"I'm fine, I heard that Britain's guests ditched him. So I came to be company when I heard you were coming," she emotionlessly said, chilling Britain. We stop hugging but she keeps a hand on my back.

We kind of stared for at least five minutes before Britain points a confused finger at us. Just as he opened his mouth my sister explains.

"We're family and treat each other as such. We just have habits from when we were younger. He is my brother, you know this. I see that you're no longer interested in tea, I'll make my leave," she finishes. She walks away and goes out the broken window. Aw… She's all alone in the sad rain. I guess I can't have tea with Britain.

"Sorry Britain, I can't stay for tea. I'll be at the meeting, so if you wish we can have it there. Bye, Bye now!" I apologize and offer. I then jump out the window and walk to where my sister is. We wait patiently for a taxi to come by.

Meanwhile, Britain is still shocked as he stares at the window. After a moment, he gets his head straight and runs to one of his home phones and calls the cops.

"Hello? Yes, I'm calling for vandalism and breaking and entering… No, America didn't come today…" And then he gave details and told his side of the story. The cops didn't take too long to get there. They try to calm the over exaggerating and crying man down. A really nice officer brought hot Earl Gray tea over. As much as they don't want to admit it, they hate coming over to this guys house. They get at least one call a week.


	6. Witch Nikolai!

I throw a frozen frog's eye into my cauldron. The green mixture turns into a darker shade. I stir my experiment with joy. Nothing exploded yet or tried to bubble, so I'm good! After a few circular movements I do a quick zig zag. I take the enchanted metal spoon out. I look right and I noticed that I'm missing something. I need chicken feathers. Where can I get them? There isn't a farm within in seventy miles of my house. I stand a pounder for a moment.

Wait! I can teleport myself to a nearby kingdom. I walk away from my cauldron to get my old grey coat. Then I get my wand which for some reason is in my coat's pocket. Now I have my wand, I swear that it has a mind of it's own, and I swing it around a few times. I say a few words and purple runes fly around me. All I have to do is just wait as the runes slowly makes a magic circle under my feet. I do a small jump to prevent the spell from destroying my heels. I relax and let the spell take me somewhere.

I'm not the most experienced with magic, I mostly just make potions and grow ingredients for other magical people. I blink a few times and I see a street. I seem to have landed on a wall. I look around at the sights in town in search of chickens.

There are no farms here nor chickens but I do see a wizard's show. A fiery young wizard is messing with some flames. They're also getting a little too big. I stare and observe, waiting for disaster to strike.

A shopkeeper just walked out of his store angry. The old man is waving his cane, distracting the orange haired wizard. The flames catch onto the nearby roofs and scorch the streets. I shake my head. With my wand, still in hand, I call upon the Great General Winter. He's the supernatural being that gave me my powers. With a quick poke of his spear to the skies, a storm emerges. The once sunny and warm area suddenly becomes windy. Snow also starts to fall.

I look at the shocked people run into their homes. The wizard that was doing tricks just watched a sack fly away. He's now yelling and cursing the sky. The poor thing shouldn't even play with fire. I look to General Winter, letting his eyes do the praising. With a bow he disappears. I smile.

I cast the same spell that transported me here. With a little jump, I'm in a new place. I look around and I see a familiar picture. Alex's house! I know he has a big black cock running around his mansion. He may be a spoiled brat but I love his company anyway. I grin as I look around his storage room. He actually has things that I don't have access to. I happily grab a sack and do a secondary errand.

After three hours I now have five big sacks full of things from his storage. Apples, rats, coffee bags, spoons, everything. I look at the empty storage pantry, happy with my new things. With a quick wisp of my wand, the sacks go into my large cellar. Now, I still don't have those chicken feathers. So I get out of the room and look at the fancy kitchen.

Right away, I see a big rooster sitting in the sunlight. Minding it's time. Perfect, all I need to do is pluck a feather and I'm done. Sadly, this isn't easy. I personally cursed this bird to be hostile to anyone other than his owner. Because of this curse, people across the land call the bird, Eegs The Devil Cock. He's an extremely ruthless bird with a temper. Alex fired half his night duty guards because Eegs is so ruthless. This bird also never forgets faces. I need a really good enchanted sack.

I silently walk across the kitchen and take a huge sack. I then walk back into the storage room to enchant it. It's very weak, so blindness is the only thing I can do. I suck at nature magic which is why I can't reinforce the material. With a few sparkles from my wand, the sack turns a gold color. I giggle a little and leave the storage room, putting my wand into my pocket.

I creep over to Eegs. I stare intently at the bird. Slowly, I open the sack. I stop a step away. Are there any more cautions that I should think of? Yes, there is one. I get behind the cock and I open the bag wide.

I pounce! Eegs is now struggling in the sack. With my left hand I pull two tail feathers out. I let go and watch the bird's continued fight with the sack. It's talons slice the sack like it's paper. I better leave before it attacks me. I look at the window, I grab my wand, and I run. With a crash, I jump throw the window.

I cast a taxing spell and giant ghost wings carry me home. I'm now tired and weak. It only took ten hours to get back home. When I land, I stumble to my waterfall entrance. I walk through the biting cold water, get to my permanent teleportation pad. I don't bother taking my coat off. I walk to my cauldron, throw the feathers in and stir. The liquid slowly turns clear, telling me I'm done. I don't feel like bottling the potion up now. I don't even feel like testing it.

I walk up stairs and hop into bed. I hum a song my older sister use to sing and fall asleep. I dream of my little sister terrorizing Eegs and I watch a fire wizard talk to my older sister, who she use to mention a lot. He kinda looks like that guy from earlier today. Whatever, all I need now is peaceful sleep.


	7. Evil Sunflowers

Outside there's a blizzard, allowing me to sleep in. I cuddle my hard pillow as I wait for my big sister to get me up. I can smell a beautiful aroma fill our small house. It has a slight honey smell. I guess she used the last bit of honey we have, but I don't mind. I excitedly anticipate my sister, but then it happened!

They have returned! They're giggling as they surround my bed, with their horrid high pitches. I can also hear them rustle their evil petals. I thought my sisters said they only came out in summer. My God, they're getting closer!

I let go of my pillow and run out of my bed. I run across our shack of a house to the dining area. I turn around and stare at the horrors in front of me. There are seven of them slowly closing in on me, laughing. Then I hear their weird, supernatural voices torture me.

"Sunflower monsters, Sunflower monsters! We are hungry and want you in our roots!"

"Don't eat me!" I cry, backing myself into a corner. They repeat their desire multiple times. I wet my pants as I wait for them to eat me. But then, a hero came!

"Die evil flowers, Die!" She yells as the sound of ripping sunflowers sing in my ears. I stare with my puffy eyes at Ukraine, killing the monsters. After she rips the monsters and throws them to the floor. I hear her laugh as she stomps the killers. She has saved me again! My big sister is a hero. I run into her young, slightly small breasts and hug her. I cry into her boobs. I then feel my second sister hug me from behind. I feel safe,

An hour before Russia was scared shitless…

"Belarus, remember that trip I took in the summer, two years ago?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, I found a person like us and he gave me sunflowers. But not just any, no, he gave me magic ones."

"You've said this story many times before."

"Well, I want to scare Russia again with them now."

"Now?"

"Mhm, I can't wait! Instead of me making dinner, I want you to cook."

"Ok, but sister, you do understand the consequences if you do it."

"It's plain fun, you know that. No harm is going to come out of this."

"Ok, I'll go cook now. And remember, keep sharp things hidden."

"You do that, I'll get my flowers," whispered Ukraine as she gets the flowers from the cellar. About an hour passed before the plan went into action.

An hour later...

"Hehehehe," she laughed, practicing the sunflower noises. It had to be high and heard. She looks over at the sleeping boy, who just clutched his pillow. Good, now I have to start she thought.

She creeps over, making the three flowers rustle while laughing the laugh. The moment she got close, Russia ran out of bed and into a corner. She said that signature line that the monsters were supposed to say, "Sunflower monsters, Sunflower monsters! We are hungry and want you in our roots!."

"No!, don't eat me!" Russia cried. Ukraine had fun but then she noticed the he wet his pants. Which made her angry. So she violently rips the sunflowers apart yelling, "Die sunflowers, Die!" The crunches filled her with joy. She then throws the torn flower to the floor and happily stomps on them.

When the flowers were flattened, Russia ran into her chest. She hugs him for the sake of the act. Belarus came over and started hugging too. She then breaks hug up so they could eat. Russia also gets a more fresh pair of pants. they ate happily with their honeyed fish.


End file.
